Eventually the relationships end with someone's heart getting broke. It is usually the one who tried to place more value on the relationship than the other person. The beginning of the end is usually when the first lie is spoken. In the end each person tries to pass the blame onto the other for the failed relationship. Very few people are honest enough to take responsibilty for themselves, and seldom learn anything from the failure. Any relationship that is based on what a person looks like or their performance in the bedroom is doomed from the start.

In many cases when two people fall in love for the first time, there is generally a lack of maturity. This does not necessarily relate to their ages or the amount of schooling they each have, nor the lack of intimate experiences. I have been in love, so to speak, several times in my younger days and, needless to say, the relationships didn't work. I am mostly to blame because of my 'lack of maturity' within myself. I also played the games that lovers play, such as, trying to make the other partner jealous, for example. The guys played the same 'games' as the girls, just with a little different twist. When you "grow up" there will be room for an "honest" relationship.

It only takes one to mess things up by continuing to play the games. Some people say that 'maturity finds it's way into a person's life when they look towards the future and really start to plan their life'. If you are a total loser you might think, "what good does it do to plan anyway when nothing ever happens the way I planned it?" This, unfortunately, is a pessimistic attitude. If you don't plan for anything, how will you get anywhere. If a person aims at nothing, as their target, they will surely hit it every time. Maturity, in relationships, is 'gained' when you start looking for what you have to offer someone (I don't mean materialisticly speaking) without looking for something in return. A person who can be 'honest' with others, and not play the "mind games", will go farther in any relationship, than one who is continuously "looking out for number one". Accepting responsibility for your actions is a very important step in growing up.

Now what about that selfish person? You know, the one who always has to have their own way? The person who would just as soon fight over a stupid "toy", or always has to come out on top in any arguement. How about the one who is trying to impress their friends (boyfriends, or girlfriends)? This can be linked to immaturity too, but it is an overgrown sense of selfishness that is really in control of these types of people.

Selflessness the opposite of selfishness must prevail in both individuals before any relationship will ever work. Look for what you can give, or put into a relationship before you even think about getting involved with someone. Some of the main ingredients necessary for a good relationship to blossom are: honesty, integrity, patience, kindness, hope and perseverance. The begining of a personal relationship must have the luxury of "friendship" before it can blossom into anything else.

Stubborness, hardheadedness, just a couple of examples of person who not only is immature, but selfish and stupid as well. Ask yourself "why do I have to have my own way all the time" and " why do I get so upset when things just don't go my way?" I know of a Pollock who built a boat in his basement one winter so he could go fishing in the spring. Everyone tried to tell him "why don't you build it in the shed where there is more room" and "because you will never get it out of the basement", and they laughed. He got angry at the laughter and he got bullheaded and determined that he was going to prove them wrong. After all, he had a double door leading to the basement that could let an elephant through, if one had to have an elephant. Needless to say, he built a boat anyway, and in the spring, he went to get the boat so he could go fishing. Two years later the boat was still in the basement, and the fish were still in the lake. Point: Don't let your stubborness get in the way of good common sense, nor let your selfishness betray you. Don't be so proud that you can't, or won't, take somone else's advice when it is really needed, be willing to work out your differences in a loving and sensible manner.

There is one person who has given us the greatest example of love. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". Are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? Not in the sense of dying unless it was necessary but, laying down of your life means devotion and/or commitment! If you wouldn't go this far for a friend, what makes you think you would be any different with your wife or your husband? Relationships of love require work and selflessness. How do you rank?

Anyone who does not care if a relationship works is like the person who built his boat in the basement. All of the above will mean nothing to someone who is stupid or calloused. I will proceed to quote something that is the essence of love. Anyone who can not, or will not, try to understand what true love is, will be known as one who is ignorant, or has a heart and conscience that are so seared, it is impossible for them to love. Those of you who understand and are willing to "work" or "persevere" at love, the rewards will be staggering and beyond your dreams. The following definition was written to all Christians and is how we are to love one another. But it holds true in personal love relationships between husbands and wives as well.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (I Cor.13)

What more can I say? If you have failed in love relationships, try to grow up before you begin another. If you have yet to have a love relationship, don't jump in feet first and expect it to last. Love isn't just sharing a bed with someone to keep warm at night. You must remember that the other person has feelings and a heart too. You must build a loving relationship. Do you want to be the person who breaks that other person's heart ? Or be the one who destroys their trust in having an honest and trusting relationship? Do you care? Or do you have a seared conscience? There is no room for "games". No room for "lies". Love is serious and must be dealt within a responsible manner. Don't be a "user" of people. Don't reach out to someone's heart unless you really mean to spend a lifetime with them. Be a friend first. If the future is meant to have a deeper love than that of a friend, it will happen, but don't force it. Let it happen naturally. Being friends first is the most important first step in any love relationship. Get to know the person as a friend and let the relationship grow. If either of you desides that there can not be anything else other than friendship, then at least you will end up with a good friend and not a broken heart.