I had been pacing the floor but at a moment when the pain was at it's peak, I dropped to my knees and cried out loud, and I prayed aloud, "God if you will get me out of this I will do anything you want!!" I prayed... I cried.... I could take no more... and the evening was at it's end. I went to sleep. I slept deeply and peascfully that night because I had released the pain and the torment to God!

During the days that followed I did not experience anything more than a sence of determination. I was determined that I was not going to put up with this self-torture and heartache anymore. I was through! I felt somewhat relieved that I at least was motivated to do something. And something did happen. Shortly after that night I got very sick. I was miserable because I would cough all day and I couldn't sleep well at night. Thanks God for the answer to my prayer, I thought.

A couple months later, still coughing and more sick than I could ever remember. I went home for a ten day Christmas visit to Arizona. That time away was food and medicine for my body, mind, and soul. My mother called the doc and he cured my body; the time away was clearing my mind; and God was working on my soul.

When I returned, I moved out of the forest setting and into Santa Rosa, about 12 miles away. A fair distance from the person who still sought me with her emotional claws. I stopped seeing some of our mutual friends. Most of the friends were not really friends, just party people that liked to get high. I was through with that life and I began a search for my new life.

The signifigance of what I had prayed that cold rainy night had not become clear until a few months later. Oh! I had ended the relationship, but she kept after me with her silvery tongue and devilsh charm. She kept trying to tie a tether on me by sweet talking me. I was still weak and she knew it kept preying upon that weakness. I had to fight her off almost litterally. When she would call I would be cordial but when she started to sweet talk me, I hung up on her. Within a few months and after a dozen or so hang-ups she finally got the message and stopped calling.
Over a six month period from September 1977, when I had prayed the prayer,to March 1978, I had somehow refocused and reasoned that I was still human and needed other friends. I had been so focused on that one relationship and a small group of mutual friends that I had lost track of what true friendship and relationships could mean.

In January,couple of weeks after returning from Arizona, I met a lady who had two kids. She was different, more gentle, and didn't try to play mind games with me. We met in a realty office where she was working and I was seeking another place to rent. This person helped me in such a way that I will never forget. She became a "friend" and nothing more. But the one thing that I will always be grateful to her for was that she invited me to go to church with her and her kids. (she was divorced at the time, but later remarried and was very happy.)

I hadn't been to a church for several years and I didn't feel right by going now. I thought that lightening would strike me if I even set foot on the premises. I was nervous! After all, I had been living the life of a sinner. I used to drink sometimes, and I smoked pot up until August of 1977, when I actually gave it up. I had also enjoyed being in the presence of women for more than just holding hands. I was dirty!

I put her off for a few weeks but finally gave in and went with her. What could I expect? Maybe a lot of guilt and embarrassment? However to my supprise, I enjoyed it! I went again, and then again! It was the third visit when I gave my life to Jesus Christ and asked him to forgive me and to be my Lord, and to help me straighten out my miserable life. I was in tears! It was because I was released from a shattered, torn, and tortured heart and I finally realized that another "Love" existed. A love that was beyond any dream that I might have had throughout my useless life. It was not a physical love, but a spiritual love. I was "reborn" into a new life as a Christian. I started attending regularly to seek more of the new understanding, the new life, the new me, the new Love, and of the new Lord of my life, Jesus!

That was in March of 1978. I immediately sought council to nourish my new life and in May I was baptised and publicly professed my new found faith. God had freed me of my worldly relationship with the silvery tongued woman. I had not sought to see her and had avoided her calls and visits to my front door. For her, I was always too busy. Eventually, she didn't come around any more. I think it mostly had to do with when I had told her of my new life with Jesus, and I tried to get her to accept Him in her heart as I had done. It kinda struck a nerve with her and she came unglued. She said I was really

just seeing another woman and she would like to have a chance to change my mind. She started to blame my new found friends for brain washing me. She couldn't hold up to the power of true love and was beaten. She retreated, and I had a heavy load lifted from my shoulders, from my mind, and from my heart as well. God's Grace had set me free.

That woman who I had met and who invited me to her church is not the woman I married. I didn't meet my "wife to be" until December of that year (1978). Being a new Christian, I had a lot to learn and a lot of "growing" to do. My old thoughts, and my old habits had to be given up. My former habits had to be cleansed, and my focus was to be forward and not on the past. One significant blessing that I had received was I no longer had the pressure in my heart and mind of reaching for the "American Dream" that I once so desired. I had given up that thought and I had given up on finding the right woman. I had a new relationship, a new focus, a new life with Jesus. He truely gives you the desires of your heart and that means that he places those desires in your heart that will ultimately glorify Him. It is His Will that you are to be happy and prosperous. And for a person to seek after Him, this glorifies Him and brings happiness to the seeker. The old desire of having somone to share my life with was gone. I became involved with a Church ministry which kept me focused. It was a few months later that the Lord suprised me and placed my "wife to be" in my life.

"A New Love..."

We had both been seeing the same Associate Pastor as our councelor at the church for different reasons. I for growth and guidence in faith, and she for something else. He introduced us one day because our appointments were back to back. This was in November of 1978. We just said hello and that was that. I thought nothing more of it because my focus was on the Lord and my ministry.

A couple weeks later, she started attending the singles group at the church. It was there that we struck up conversation and eventually a friendship. I had no idea at the time that our futures were about to be tied together. A few weeks had passed and we had started seeing each other outside of Church. A couple of movies, and dates convinced me that the Lord had put her in my life for a reason. I proposed to her in February of 1979, and we were married in June of that year. God had taken away the old desires of the "American Dream" and replaced them with first, Himself, and then a "True Love". We have been married ever since, and have been happy.

I have had enough experience with "Love", it's imitation false hopes and the true rewards, that I have felt qualified to express my opinions here with some of the following statements. The true definition of Love is written below as best as I can put it. Whether you believe me or not is your choice. I believe that I have had God's blessing all these years to be assured that what I say is true and of God. Please continue reading and try to have an understanding of what True Love is and how you can have it, presently and permanently.

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